Editor’s note: This story contains discussions of mental health challenges and includes references to suicide and self-harm. Reader discretion is advised. If you are considering harming yourself or someone else, or are in danger of being harmed, stop reading now and immediately contact your local support line (dial 988 or click here), your medical practitioner or emergency services.
A mental health diagnosis can be life-altering — and that’s not always a bad thing. For many, it’s the first step to receiving the help they need, to developing coping methods and often finding medications to further regulate their conditions.
Unfortunately, it can take a while to reach a correct diagnosis and treatment plan, with numerous failed attempts along the way — and that can be an incredibly dark time.
As a teenager, Christy Kennedy, 38, was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, depression and anxiety. For her, that initial diagnosis meant that her feelings were validated; she wasn’t just “moody.”
“I was an honor roll student but consistently did awfully on tests,” she said. “My moods were all over the place, and they had been since I was a child.”
At age 16, she was prescribed Adderall to manage her ADHD symptoms and Prozac for depression. But she soon realized this combination wasn’t working for her. In fact, her symptoms worsened, and she began to self-harm in high school.
She stopped the ADHD medication and switched from Prozac to Lexapro, then to Wellbutrin, but still she struggled — though from the outside looking in, it was hard to tell. A 2005 honor graduate from Statesboro High, Kennedy graduated four years later with honors from Ogeechee Technical College with an associate’s degree in business management.
“I never felt ‘right,’ but I could function,” Kennedy said. “I stopped seeing the psychiatrist after I graduated OTC and stopped the anti-depressant. I hated the medicine, and the psychiatrist never believed me that I didn’t feel ‘right,’ ‘whole,’ ‘happy.’”
She began working at First Southern National Bank, a job she says felt like home, and for the next 12 years built a successful career in banking. Throughout that time, she also volunteered in the community through organizations like Relay for Life and BigBrother/BigSister of the Coastal Empire.
Still, her symptoms persisted, and one day she could no longer ignore them.
“In 2016, I was sitting at work in the parking lot, crying, because I just felt so awful and could not understand why,” she said.
She made an appointment with a local psychiatrist who, for the first time, made her feel heard. After more than a year of weekly therapy sessions and a number of different medications, Kennedy was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, or BPD. She began taking Zoloft for depression, Lamictal as a mood stabilizer and Nuvigil after a sleep study determined she also had narcolepsy.
As defined by the Mayo Clinic, borderlinepersonality disorder is a mental health condition that affects the way people feel about themselves and others, making it hard to function in everyday life. It involves intense, unstable relationships, impulsivity, and a distorted self-view, often leading to extreme emotions and reckless behavior. People with BPD often have a deep fear of abandonment, which can lead to mood swings, anger, impulsiveness and self-injury.
“As I joined Facebook groups and read up about BPD, I began to find relief and comfort,” she said. “I had a real diagnosis, a real mental health disorder, and a real reason to feel the way I felt and acted or reacted to situations the way I did.
“It made me feel like a whole person for the first time in my life.”
Those Facebook groups gave Kennedy a place to share her experiences without fear of judgement and talk to people who have experienced similar struggles.
Finally, with a correct diagnosis, consistent therapy, a stellar psychiatrist and a combination of medications, she saw a clear path forward. But that path wasn’t without thorns and thickets.
In early 2018, Kennedy was in the throes of a battle with her mental health. She was putting on a brave face for her parents, Frankie and Sandy Kennedy, owners of Kennedy’s Heating & Air; her younger sister, Mandy; her friends and her coworkers. She was even lying about her symptoms to her therapist and psychiatrist. All the while, she was harming herself and struggling with suicidal ideation.
Soon, those ideations came to a tipping point.
As she sat on her bathroom floor, Kennedy says she begged God to show her a reason to live — and all her banking-trained brain could think of was that she’d be leaving her parents without access to her life insurance policy because of its suicide clause.
“That was my saving grace that night,” she said.
On May 2, 2018, she sent a text to 988, the national Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
“I had a plan to die by suicide,” she said. “I texted my friend and told him goodbye. He came to my house and sat with me in the driveway for hours.”
The next morning, Kennedy’s friend drove her to her psychiatrist’s office. He immediately referred her to Coastal Harbor Health, a mental health treatment facility in Savannah, where she would be admitted for the next four to five days.
Scared and in unfamiliar territory, she says she cried the entire first day, until the clinic’s other patients, complete strangers to her, rallied around and helped her to feel comfortable and welcome. That same day, the facility’s doctor took Kennedy off of Nuvigil and instead prescribed Abilify, an antipsychotic.
In the years since, Kennedy says she’s found strength within herself that she didn’t know was there. Today, she is doing well and has been “sober,” or free from self-harm, since May 4, 2018. But as with any mental disorder, she still experiences challenges.
“Recovery does not mean I don’t struggle,” she said. “I struggle frequently and have to reach for my coping mechanisms to get out of near-relapses.”
The turning point, she says, was finding the right therapist. Her search spanned across two years, from 2016 to 2018, and three different offices before finding the right one.
“I always advise people, therapy is like any relationship. Don’t force it to work for you. Find the one that fits the best,” she said.
The support she has received from her friends and family, and even the strangers at Coastal Harbor, have also helped her to see things in a different light, and in 2021, she left the high-pressure world of banking to work for her family’s business.
Since her diagnosis, Kennedy has been passionate about raising awareness about BPD. The disorder usually emerges in early adulthood, when it’s typically at its peak. While mood swings and impulsiveness may improve with age, struggles with self-image, abandonment fears and relationship challenges often persist.
This realization has transformed the way Kennedy views her own past behavior, and she’s learned to better recognize when her thoughts are spiraling out of control.
“It brought about understanding of why I treated friends the way I did through high school, college and adulthood,” she said. “BPD can cause me to be an awful friend. Two of the symptoms, fear of abandonment and hyper-fixation, can cause me to be obsessed and totally dependent on someone until I am overwhelming myself, and spiraling thoughts can make me resent them or push them away so I am in control and they don’t abandon me.”
As a different kind of therapy, Kennedy pours herself into community activism by volunteering with the StatesboroJaycees, a group of young professionals and servant leaders, where she has served as treasurer and president and is currently an executive director. She also serves as treasurer of the Georgia Jaycees.
Self-care plays another important role in her journey to mental wellness. For Kennedy, this includes things like journaling, adult coloring books and dot-to-dot puzzles, attending church and getting facials. She’s also working on weight loss, though she’s suffered from disordered eating since age 13, so she’s taking it slowly — but it’s paying off.
On Saturday mornings, she enjoys grabbing coffee or brunch with her friends and her sister, Mandy. Kennedy explains that with BPD, patients often identify an “FP,” or favorite person — and Mandy is hers.
“We have become extremely close throughout my mental health struggles,” she said of her sister. “She’s definitely the sane balance to my life.”
Last year, Kennedy graduated magna cum laude with a bachelor’s degree in interdisciplinary studies from Georgia Southern. She’s now working toward a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy from National University, with hopes of using her own struggles to help others face their own. While she’ll always be learning how to better navigate life with BPD, she continues to speak out about the stigma of mental illness, and the shame that often accompanies those inner battles.
“Society and anyone who says it’s embarrassing are wrong,” she said. “You may not look sick, but your illness is just as debilitating as anyone else’s.”
She jokes that while she felt “certifiably crazy” after being admitted to a mental hospital, as the Mad Hatter says in Alice in Wonderland (Kennedy’s self-described “spirit character”), “All the best people are [crazy].”
Each May, Kennedy, along with her mom and sister, celebrate another year of life at Disney World. As part of her continued advocacy for those struggling with mental health issues, she’s also created an Instagram account, where she encourages people to reach out to her to chat over coffee (or chips and salsa!) or DM her to talk.
“I hope people will see that there is more to me — more to anyone — than just a diagnosis,” she said.
Busting the myths
● In your opinion, what are some common misconceptions people have about BPD that you wish could be addressed and corrected?
○ That we’re all crazy and want to kill the people we love or who hurt us. Think Glenn Close’s character in Fatal Attraction.
○ That we are attention-seekers, completely unstable, suicidal and crazy. Think Winona Ryder’s character in Girl, Interrupted.
● For those with loved ones who are struggling with BPD, what advice would you give on how they can best offer support during difficult times?
○ First, don’t brush off their feelings or make fun of them. Some people tend to want to laugh at our feelings because they seem over-dramatic or whiny. Please validate their feelings. You can talk through it later after the episode passes, but we need to work through our feelings first before we can calm down.
○ Second, educate yourself. There’s a book I bought my best friend, mom and sister when I was first diagnosed: Stop Walking on Eggshells. It is about how to support someone who struggles with BPD.
○ Don’t judge someone if they choose to be open with you. Make them feel validated and glad they chose you to share their story with.
—Christy Kennedy